Lesson Two-Letting Go

Divorce, Tragedy or Opportunity Part 2

Harlan Jacobsen Copyright 2003

If you can see the similarity between trying to run around the bases and still keep one foot on home base and your present situation, then this is going to be the most important getting on with life lesson you've ever had.

Here's the background

      This middle aged lady from Canada came to one of my divorce recovery classes and spoke about her adjusting to the loss of her husband who had died of cancer.

She shared her personal experience getting on with her new life alone as a single person.

       She had gone to private counseling sessions she said, attended self help groups like ours and had essentially done everything right, that you should do on the end of a long term relationship.

       But, she said after two years her life was now mediocre and not progressing.

She was stuck in neutral.

       Here's what she told us changed her life::

       "She said one day I was driving somewhere and for some unknown reason I drove into the cemetary

       "I went over to my husbands grave where I had been coming on a regular basis."

       She said I knelt down and for the first time ......

      "I said good by to him."

       "She said it was like an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

"I had let him go."

       "My life changed completely she said from that day on."

She then went on to relate some of the steps she had taken to a great new start in life.

       Note: We told those coming to our classes for the first time, that it makes no difference if you are going thru the end of a relationship, because of divorce, death or disertion, you will go thru basically the same steps.

      We relate in these lessons, this widows success secrets and others like her.

Poweful techniques they used to get to a good place in their life.

      We pass on to you what worked for these suddenly singled people going thru very similar situations to what you are going thru. Steps in letting go of "what was" and getting on to making a great new part of their life.

       " We did tell the divorced that the widow or widower had a slight advantage: they knew for sure that their last relationship was over, but as you can see they too have to process that fact and get on with life.

       "One more story we ran into on not letting go, that was almost unbelievable, that really brings this up.

       This lady and her three kids were still setting a place at the table for her former husband who had divorced two years before. The thought was he just may come to his senses and return any time.

       The punch line of this story is he had been remarried to someone else for over a year.

       As we said early on here, before you can run around the bases, you are going to have to 100% let go of what was.

      What do you do when your marriage bombs out? You get divorced.

      So what do you do when your single life bombs?

      Some get back together, if they are both bombing as single people, and try it again.

      Some singles in our classes had said they had gone back and retried their marriage again as many as three times.

       Apparently, many not knowing how to make life as a single work and have a happy successful life as a single, conclude, marriage was bad, ..

      but it wasn't this bad, so maybe I should escape from this and see if my ex wants to try being together again.

They go back and try it again.

Then it all comes back, why they split in the first place and they get out again.......

Crazy Making

       This is like cutting off the dogs tail one inch at a time so it wont hurt so much.

       Use the meat cleaver approach,

One fell swoop and it is over.

Convince yourself you are now 100% single.

       Cut off ALL contact with your previous relationship for one year. (only necessary kid transactions)

This is an absolute must, or you are wasting your time here.

      You M U S T close the door to the "what was"

      Before you can open the door to your "Exciting" new life as a unique successful happy single person.


      We have good news for you.......

       The more devastating the death of a relationship was for you the better.....

       Over the long term the person nearly wiped out makes a lot of changes and moves on to a lot better life.

Those with little upset just keep doing reruns and advance their life very little.

       So if your life building was destroyed nearly to the foundation, you now rebuild your life from the ground up, often entirely different and far better then what was. Often moving to a better place to build your new life..

       If only slightly damaged you just repaint and go back to the same life you had before, - like nothing ever happened.

      When you are in this wiped out stage you reconsider, do I really want to recreate my life to where it was before?

Or is this an opportunity to really grow and change my life.

      Detour Ahead......

      You have this void, you are sure you need someone, someone to help you make these tough life time decisions, scary decisions I have never had to make before.

      Someone to replace the over 100 pounds that have been surgically removed from your life..

Someone to touch and be close to again.....

      You are a relationship addict.



Read Part Three: The Real Source Of Your Divorce Pain

Additional Related Information: Starting over series

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