Good or bad?
Where do you fit in the singles’
Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003
If you see yourself as miserable, you will only be comfortable with
YOU WILL BE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH HAPPY PEOPLE.
Remember the old “Birds of a feather flock to-gether’?
If you do get something going with a happy high self-esteem person,
you won’t reject them, you will sabotage the relationship.
WHO OR WHAT TYPES RE-JECT YOU?
You need to know how high you are on the desirability scale. Others decide how desirable you are by the fol-lowing clues
you give them.
a. Raw appearance
b. How you dress
c. Would they be proud to be seen with you?
Disposition, very important.
HOW HIGH THE SELF-
ESTEEM. How much need
IN CHARGE OF THEM-
SELVES. Not trying to
please the world, only
SMILE OR MAGNETIC
MONEY, OR LACK OF IT
10. SEX - —HAVE IT
11. SEX APPEAL
12. OTHERS DESIRE THEM
We talk about the pecking order in the singles hen house to help
you under-stand how and where you fit into the dat-ing scene.
Your desirability, your attitude and other factors determine where
In a hen house there is a social pecking order.
One hen pecks on all the other hens.
The one on the bottom of the order is pecked on by all the other
chickens. Those half-way up
the pecking order peck on certain hens and are pecked on by certain hens.
All is quiet in the hen house because everybody knows the pecking
order. Throw a new hen in the
hen house and there is great fluttering and squawking until the new hen
establishes where she fits in the pecking order.
When you first enter the Singles Hen House, you will be under
considerable stress because you do not know where you fit in the pecking
order. So with some turmoil
you go into the Singles Hen House (where together singles are) and find
out where you fit.
If you go out to meet and develop a relationship with the top
chicken (most desirable) you may or may not get shot down (rejected).
Odds are you will get shot down.
So then you try to develop some kind of a relationship with the bot-tom
chicken (least desirable), and chances are you succeed.
So then you try further up and further up the desirability level
available there until you start getting shot down regularly.
Soon you will have established pretty well what your pecking order
is. Some groups, you may be num-ber one chicken, others half way
down, etc. You will soon know
your capabilities and desirability and going out with singles will no
longer be stressful.
Postponing going out and find out how you fit in the single scene
just creates anxiety. “Will
I ever be accepted by any top chickens?
Will anybody accept me?”
Now where you start out in the pecking order is not where you have
to stay. You can change it. The important thing to remember is YOU HAVE TO BE REJECTED A
LOT TO FIND OUT WHAT YOUR REAL DATING CAPABILITIES ARE. You’ll never know where your top capabilities are unless
you are rejected a lot. Dating
way below your desirability level will certainly cut down on rejection but
keeps you from dating the really desirable people you want to date.
You need to practice being re-jected so you get a higher percentage
of non-rejection higher on the desirability index of datable people. As a rule, you need to keep being rejected at least 25% of
the time you are asking for dances, dates, etc. or you are probably dating
below your level of capability. No
need to ask latest sexy movie babe to go to coffee, she’ll reject me. Try Susie Klutz. IF
YOU HARDLY EVER GET REJECTED, YOU ARE NOT DATING UP TO LEVEL.
If you are a salesman selling only the small accounts, nobody wants
or com-petes with you for that business.
You don’t get turned down much, but you don’t get much when you
succeed either. A recent
scientific study discovered the determining factor in the pecking order in
the orangutan cage. They
discovered the male orangutan with the bluest pos-terior had first choice
of the lady orangutans, got to eat first, etc., etc.
So they took the male at the bottom of the peck-ing order and
painted his posterior a bright blue.
Overnight he became number one orangutan.
He really enjoyed it but as his paint faded and he kept slipping
lower and lower in the pecking order, he became neurotic.
We don’t know if painting your posterior will help, but we do
know that to find out where you fit you have to get out there and flutter
about and mix with a lot of people to know your real capabilities.
YOU WILL TEND TO FALL IN LOVE WHEN YOU DEVELOP A RE-LATIONSHIP THAT
YOU FEEL IS ABOUT AS HIGH ON THE SCALE OR PECKING ORDER AS YOU ARE EVER
GOING TO BE ABLE TO DATE.
To get to your maximum capability and date the really good ones you
want to date means you need to be rejected a lot to really find that top
capability. You will often be
amazed how high on the dating desirability list you can date when you are
not afraid and
can readily accept rejection.
Why you need good self-esteem
As an exercise we suggest at this point you get out a sheet of
paper and write a resume of ‘why it would be good to know me.’
Decide if you are really worth knowing.
If you reject yourself, how can others accept you?
GET HIGH SELF-ESTEEM. Believe
you are worthwhile. People
with low self-esteem are not bad, they just think they are.
It is hard to develop high self-esteem when you look in the mirror
and say ‘Blah!’ You
decide you are undesirable.
How could anyone possibly like shoddy, ineffectual, defective, ugly
me? Now, if you can learn how
to develop high self-esteem, that will help a lot.
There are a lot of kind, generous, won-derful people who have low
However, if you still think you are defective, don’t give up. GOOD NEWS. There
is someone out there - no matter how
rotten, awful, sloppy, wicked, amoral or depraved you think you
are— - someone will accept
and appreciate you just the way you are.
When you have low self-esteem,
you are going to statistically need to meet many times as many to find one
who accepts you, compared to when you have high self-esteem. But you can and will meet someone.
AND NOW THE BAD NEWS: You
probably won’t like them. Those
who will accept a person with low self-esteem probably won’t be the type
you would like. In addition
you may feel that anybody who could accept anyone as defective as you feel
you are just isn’t worth your respect, etc. If you see your-self as
miserable and defective, you will accept and be accepted only by other
people who feel they are miserable and defective.
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