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Part 3

Rejection:  Good or bad?

What is your rejection rate?

Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003



               “What the mind causes, it can cure.                          When something is not working for you it is because you have a faulty belief system or assumption.  Garbage programming.  Garbage in means garbage out.  You have carried into adulthood some childhood programming (that’s immaturity).  Your rejection programming is obsolete and keeps your life from working as an adult.

               As a child most people’s parents (whether you remember them telling you or not is immaterial) kept telling you if you acted “that  way” or “were  bad,”  people

wouldn’t like you.  Your belief became if you were good and okay everybody would like you.  If they didn’t it was because you weren’t acting right or you were bad.  You got the idea that everybody was supposed to like you or you were supposed to do what was necessary for everybody to like you.  If they didn’t all like you, you didn’t measure up or you were defective.

               If everyone doesn’t now honor or support you, you still erroneously conclude you are defective.  So you:

               1.  Try harder and harder to have everyone like you.

               2.  Try harder and harder to be really  “nice.”

               3.  Your goal becomes to have everyone like or accept you.

                     To be ahead of others.

               RESULT:  —YOU WEAR YOURSELF OUT.  YOU SUFFER FROM EXTREME ANXIETY, FRUSTRATION.  You can never reach this impossible goal.  It isn’t you that’s defective; you only have a defective goal.

               CHANGE YOUR GOAL.  CHANGE YOUR PROGRAMMING.  Get rid of your old programming on rejection using this affirmation:

               “I have discarded my need for ap-proval and acceptance by other people and have placed no time expectations on those that do accept me.  I make no demands and have no expectations of others.”

               To get this reprogramming through to your subconscious (computer central), use one of the following:

               1.  Put it on a card and read it several times daily.

               2.  Or recopy it several times a day.

               3.  Use self-hypnosis (explained in other issues).

               4.  Use transcendental meditation.

               5.  Biofeedback.

               6.  Prayer.  Put it in a prayer form three times a day.

               Use one of the above methods three times a day for at least two weeks and you will no longer have rejection and the fear of rejection controlling your life and well-being.


               In EST training they used to tell you about experiments with rats.  You have a test lab situation with a rat and five tunnels.  You put the cheese at the end of tunnel number four.  The rat finds it.  If he discovers that’s where it is he stops looking in the other tunnels and for weeks always goes up tunnel 4.  Then you move the cheese to tunnel #2.  That rat will keep going up and down tunnel number four for a long time.  Eventually he will look in the other tunnels and find the cheese, eventually giving up tunnel #4.

               The difference between man and the rat is that man will go up and down tunnel #4 the rest of his life because that is the “right” tunnel.  He doesn’t get the cheese, but  he’s  “right”.

               Well, you can keep running up and down tunnel number four and keep your old programming that everybody should accept and like you but you won’t get any cheese.  Or you can give up on being right and get the cheese by changing your programming to winning (getting the cheese).

               You have insisted on what you’re doing is right, because it is the sure-fire way.  Yet you know it hasn’t been working.  “EVERYONE SHOULD LIKE ME.”  GIVE UP ON THAT.  YOU DON’T GET THE CHEESE WITH THAT PROGRAMMING OR GOAL.

               We say “Happiness is the absence of approval-seeking as a need.”

               We say, “Happiness is thriving on rejection.”  Let us assume that you are right with your old programming and that it was practical and healthy.  “Everybody must accept me.”  Think about:  Who do you know that gets the most approval?  What are they like?  How do they behave?  What attracts everyone?

               Think about it.  It is the very people that don’t seek or need your approv-al.  They’re independent of other’s opinions and are fulfilled.  They tell it like it is, despite consequences.  Tact and diplomacy are less important than honesty.  They are not involved in game playing, they are not careful to say it just right to avoid hurt feelings.

               THE VERY PEOPLE WHO SEEK APPROVAL THE MOST, GET THE LEAST.  Those who do not need approval get the most.  So you see your present programming seeking approval is self-defeating.

               Now we all know it is less risky to hang on to old familiar programming, even though it doesn’t work.  It has some neurotic payoffs.  After you read this article and do nothing you will have reduced your “rejection cripple” status by only about 5%.  If you use the affirmation 3 times a day for two (preferably three) weeks, you will probably reduce your rejection problem 75% in that time.

               In addition if you do some of the exercises we suggest and also get out and practice rejection, in a short time we can guarantee you will like it and have a new attitude about rejection.  You will appreciate what rejection does for you.  It saves kissing a lot of toads.

               We tell a story of a plumbing salesman that goes to state plumbing con-ventions all over the country.  Each conven-tion about 500 plumbers walk by his booth there at the convention.  About 50 really show some interest in his products.  Five actually order something.  Three reorder in the future and one becomes a regular cus-tomer over a period of time.

               500 exposed to his product,

               50 show some interest,

               5 order,

               3 reorder late,

               1 becomes a long term customer.

               Now that is the law of averages and it works for all salesmen.  Numbers and percentages vary by the product and also by the salesman’s ability.

               As a single we say your prospects are about the same.  You go where singles are and are out to see and be seen over time by 500 different (it takes a thousand; —half are the wrong sex) people (prospects).  Fifty will talk to you, dance or make some con-tact.  Five will get a phone number, call or see you again or have some further contact.  Three will date you and you will have one relationship that lasts over some period of time.

               If you have a more attractive pro-duct it may take less or if you are not good as a salesman you may require more (up to a thousand).  So improving the product, the packaging and learning how to be single successfully will change the figures some-what, but basically you are still working with the same figures.

               500 opposite sex at singles —dances, parties, etc.

               50 talk to you

               5 further contact

               3 date you

               1 relationship

               When you like rejection you can get through the 499 much quicker and more happily and get to the one you want that really accepts you over a period of time.


               A.  If they become aware that you do not need approval, they will be able to reject you right off.

               B.  If they are too chicken to reject you, you usually get a little involved and then, resenting it, they finally reject you after an investment of time, feelings, etc.

               REMEMBER, LEARN TO LIKE REJECTION.  499 single people really don’t  accept you.  One does.

               How can you get to that one if all the other 499 waste your time or you insist they accept and bust a gut using up all your energy trying to get them to accept you?

               How can you not reject people or be rejected and have time to get to the people who really accept you?  Answer—:  you can’t.  Like rejections and get out and practice rejecting honestly and practice being rejected.

               You cannot learn how to do something without doing it.  Aristotle said to learn how to play the flute, you have to play the flute. 


NEXT ISSUE - REJECTION:  How to do it and like it.  


Rejection Article  

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