HOW YOU OVERLOAD YOUR MENTAL COMPUTER AFTER DIVORCE
I. You overload your search and sort section trying to
find an answer to:
a. What did I do wrong? (Probably little)
b. Why me--it ain't fair. (Life isn't)
c. What can I learn from this? (Practically nothing)
d. What will happen to me now? (That depends on you)
e. Will I ever be happy again? (That depends on you, not luck)
The overload is because your sorter and searcher is
tied up searching and trying to complete and find answers that don't exist.
Shut off these useless questions.
What it comes
up with after burning tremendous energy will be practically worthless or
2. When you are married any length of time, most of your
day is handled by the automatic portion.
(When you are married, ...
today ......is a.. rerun of yesterdays.)
Anything you have done more than
21 days is handled by automatic.
Becoming suddenly single takes most of
your day off automatic and you are on manual all day.
For example, learning to drive a car burns up energy and drains
you when you are still on manual and have to make concious decisions, etc.,
When car driving gets to "automatic" it becomes easy
When becoming suddenly single you are manually processing
several dozen car-driving-like learning experiences all at once.
uses up tremendous energy. Every time you are
on manual your computer's searching and sorting is terribly busy
searching for old programming to go by.
When there is little
or none - it sends over a body alarm message (emotional feelings)
that turns on bodily read-outs like higher blood pressure,
stomach clamps down, stress reactions.
When you are into mostly manual operations with new or unknowns
constantly you are really ringing the body alarms so much you are
doing bodily harm.
You can learn to control
these alarm read-outs (another story, other issues) so they don't
cause bodily harm by fouling up your immune system, etc.
(Dr. Benson states in his book "Relaxation Response"
that your chances of coming down with a major illness the year
after divorce are 12 times as great as normal.)
3. YOU ARE PROCESSING AND EVALUATING;
a. New daily living routines and habits,
b. new situations you have never been in before, and
c. new people and relationships.
That's why you should not get into a heavy overload of new "big"
relationships while your computer is already "overloaded" and sending down
so many body alarm (nothing on file) stresses that you need to process and
work through the overload (develop new habits after 21 days) and sort out
the unfamiliar until it is filed under familiar.
Eventually you have "decisions" - - "programming" on file for these new
things and your conscious actions are taken over by automatic.
When these things come up again your computer no
longer sends down a body alarm (emotions).
4. YOUR AUTOMATIC SECTION WANTS TO
REPEAT WHAT IT HAS ALWAYS DONE
It sends out a bodily alarm (emotions) when it doesn't get to do what it
has been doing for a long time.
This is called
addiction--stopping gives withdrawal pains.
After 21 days of not doing something
(thinking about and mentally visualizing counts the same as doing it), your
automatic computer section will diminish
and finally stop sending out "alarm" body
reaction and signals (feelings, emotions) when it no longer gets
to do what it has always done.
There will be considerable pressure from
your automatic section to run out and find a replacement for the old drug so
you will not have to go through the pain of stopping doing what you have
a. Always been with someone. Loneliness is
being alone with anxiety. Remove the anxiety by becoming accustomed to it and
being alone is fine.
b. Relating/reporting to and getting regular feedback from someone (even
fights are feedback).
Eventually you become capable of being your
c. Regular touching and sex.
The end of this causes a reaction similar to a drug addict stopping drugs.
a drug addict, you may do some weird things rather than face having to go
You will accept poor drugs that do you damage
rather than none.
YOUR COMPUTER IS OVERLOADED WITH NEW STUFF.
it is overloaded
with searching for answers in a program file that has no program or answers
IT IS OVERLOADED WITH FAR MORE 'MANUAL' OPERATION
Automatic sections send out pain and alarm because it doesn't get to repeat
21 DAYS OF DIMINISHING STRESS AND PAIN ARE NECESSARY
Don't deny the pain or postpone it by taking drugs
(valium for instance) or booze. Understand it.
Recognize it and
deal with it. Visualizing or rehashing the past adds one day every
time you do it.
Close the door to yesterday
or what "might have been."
Do not add anxiety about the future
Just live one day at a time.
Go easy and do not add more new things than you have to at
least for the first 21 days of separation.
BE GOOD TO YOUR BODY--EXTRA VITAMINS,
EXTRA SLEEP, ETC. IT IS TAKING A BEATING FROM ALL THESE COMPUTER ALARMS.
Relapses and resuming or rehashing old situations or habits
adds to the 21 days.
Dilute the pain by being good to yourself;
do something you've always wanted, to do etc.
Tell Your Divorced Or Widowed Friends About This Article And Site, Send Them This Page Or If They Do Not Have A PC, Print Out The Article For Them
How You Overload Your Mental Computer
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