© 2001 Harlan Jacobsen

Many newly divorced and widowed came to our classes on Divorce Recovery, Dating Again, and Happy Single-ization over the past ten years saying that this was the absolute worst time of their lives.  Others that attended had been single for months or years and, as a single person, still felt like a fish out of water.

Six months later, most of these same people, when asked, said they were now doing great.  That it was the best, most enthusiastic, zestful time of their life.

Many of them were still coming to the classes primarily because, they said, they wanted to help others by sharing their experience. To help these folks turn their new life, as a single person, around.

They became: Volunteer single life coaches.  

When you graduate, you too can help in our chat room support groups and online bulletin boards, no matter where you live.  Share your new life as a single person by helping others.  It will help remind you of where you have been and where you are now.

We would like to tell the new people, that the worse the disaster and the adjustment you have to make, the better the chances you have for a great future.

Here is why. When your house goes through a minor storm, you just patch it up and go on exactly as before.  In contrast when your house is completely destroyed, you often rebuild completely different.  You build the new replacement house to be exactly the way you always wanted.  Or, you move to a new area and a totally different house that is just what you always wanted.

The disaster seemed like the end of the world when it happened and yet it winds up putting you in a far better place.

Can you see in this example how single people who go through the biggest disaster make the biggest changes for the better? So if you were damaged little, you will likely change little.

We noticed in the classes that of the many couples that had a mediocre relationship for years, one person was little affected by the split, but the other was wiped out emotionally.  That person, as a result, came to the classes and made a lot of changes. Two years later, those people were now doing terrific.  They were looking back at their former spouses who had hardly been affected by the divorce, who were as usual, still bumbling along with one problem after another. Their spouse had grown little or none as a person over that time.

Conclusion: Good news, the more devastating the death of your relationship was, the more likely you will be motivated to make the changes to put you in a good place 6 months from now.

These single people were the exact same people that 6 months before were at a low point in their life.  They were still newly divorced or separated and the death of that relationship looked like the worst thing that ever happened to them.  It was the hardest to handle and get through.  Now when asked about that same divorce, they would say it was the best thing that ever happened to them.

How could that be? Did the divorce change or their ex-spouse change?  No, they personally changed and made it the turning point to begin a great new life that they now control.

We can not do it for you.  We only point out what has worked very well for others. You can make the same mistakes most others have made and get hung up on trying to find your way.....to the good life.... or you can just skip those detours and go directly to what works.

We will tell you what others have discovered that really works.............

*New articles and additional parts of serial series are posted on the web and appear in our Singles Monthly Newspapers.

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