This could be a thick book on
how to find happiness as a single person. Instead
we are going to boil it down to a few paragraphs and therefore
ask you to pay close attention and make an extra
effort to change your programming in order for this
to work for you.
Most of your unhappiness comes from your "expectations
and demands" programming mindset.
What happens out there in your world is run against your basic
program mindset of "expectations and demands" you
have and what comes out is unhappiness.
Your world out there rarely
Now you can continue to beat your brains out, (which is what
you have been doing) trying to get your world out there to shape
up to meet your expectations and demands. Lots of
work, frustration, failure and unhappiness.
or....get rid of, drop, dump, eliminate, give up, discard,
delete, your expectations and demands programming.
Insert new software that replaces "expectations and
demands" and simply converts them to "preferences".
Lets go over that again.....this is the "big secret" program
change that can change your life.
Simply drop all "expectation and demand" well ingrained
programming. (well, doing so is not so easy but that's your
job) hereafter they are "preferences".
That's it....secret is right there....all you have
to do is make the internal program change......
Equals big improvement in
your happiness, in your personality, your desirability as dating
material, your health and even your life expectancy.
Okay, Okay, you really do not understand it without writing
the book....for you to wade thru...
So here is a short explanation. Lets say you expect
and demand that your 4th grade son study, study and get
all A's. He comes home with all C's. You are unhappy and
you see to it he is unhappy.
Now with your new software changing all this to "preferences",
you now "prefer" he get all A's
but when he does not it does not affect yours or his happiness.
He is still just as motivated, except now you do not make yourself
and everyone else miserable.
Got the difference? Same happening
different programming equals better result.
Lets say as a woman, you go to a singles dance and your expectation
and demand is that all the desirable men there will ask
you for a dance.
You are crushed when no one asks you to dance all evening
and your life as a happy single person is set back six months,
not by what happened at the dance, but by your expectations
and demands programming.
With the all new improved "preference"
software you would have preferred someone at least ask
you to dance but since they did not, then you learned that you
need to do a little research what you maybe did wrong, and that
you could do different or improve at the next "get them to ask
me to dance" practice.
You are not unhappy, you just learned you need to change
a few things.
Now let's say you read Janet's article on how to ask men to
dance so next dance you ask ten men to dance with you, and the
first 2 turn you down.
With your old "expectation and demand" programming requiring
they all dance with you, would have made you so discouraged
and unhappy, you went home and got out the wine bottle.
With "you prefer" they
dance with you programming you continue and wind up with 7 out
of ten you ask to dance with you do so. Next dance you improve
that ratio etc.
Let us take your divorce. Your expectation and demand is
that your marriage should have lasted for ever. It did not meet
those demands so you are unhappy.
You expected your spouse if they were leaving to go thru certain
expectations and demands of the way you believe they
should have done it if they were leaving and they did not so
you are very angry and unhappy.
If your new "prefer" they left using a certain procedure
and they did not, you are not wiped out emotionally. You realize
they were not a perfect spouse and probably were not very
good at leaving procedures either. If your expectation
and demand was that if they are leaving you must have your standard
of living maintained.
Well, what income used to support one household must now support
two households so you are very unhappy with your divorce
outcome when you must lower your standard of living.
Your expectation and demand programming rarely
deals with reality. So you are very unhappy even when it makes
no sense. Change to "preference software".
Since we are to busy to write the book we will just tell you
that in order to implement this change you will have to consciously
work at this program switch every time something happens in
your world that makes you unhappy.
You will need to do this for 21 days and if you do a good job
of consciously making the change, after that it will be automatic
and your life will be changed forever.