Going Steady - Exclusive Dating

Harlan Jacobsen Copyright 2003


Information for the two of you, should you mutually decide to go steady, ("exclusive", to all others) let's define and consider what that means, and if you both understand and agree on the meaning of the term "going "steady" then you will avoid unnecessary misunderstandings about it.

Going steady means committed to one only.

  • If they call while you're out, you're expected to explain your absence.

  • If they drop in unexpectedly you welcome them.

  • You remain available week ends and possibly some week day evenings.

  • They are obligated to spend most of their free time with you

  • Call you regularly and give up all other dating prospects.

Going steady is restrictive and should not be done without some thought.

Repercussions of when the romance is over are similar to those of a marital break-up.

Serious doubts about the one you are dating keep the friendship
in a casual, irregular basis.

Here is a guide:

  • (1) You like each other.

  • (2) You've dated regularly for several months and enjoy each others' company.

  • (3) No habits that particularly worry you.

  • (4) No serious differences of religion, background, values or ages.

  • (5) You have experienced dating dozens of people and are ready to settle on one "special person".

  • (6.) You have worked thru your divorce and you are not being "rescued".

Steady dating has the disadvantage of getting so comfortable that you two withdraw from the social scene.

The disadvantage of not going steady is:

  • if the man or woman who is dating you is healthy, normal and able, he or she will be seeing other singles too--

  • they will not always be available and you will spend weekends and weeks at a time without a companion.

  • you risk the chance some other single may woo them away from you.

If you are newly divorced for less then 6 months, we recommend that no going "steady" or commitments be made for the first six months, and that you explain that to your dating partner when the subject comes up.

    One option that is part way, is arranging what you call a primary relationship, which is similar to going steady but you still are both free to date other people when the other is not available.

    In other words, your primary relationship has first dibs on your dating time.

    You are both free to attend singles events and meet new people and date other people at all the times your primary relationship is not available or interested in dating.

    This allows you both free to meet and date others but guarantees you will be together when both want to date.

    Hard for newly singled to handle so I think I would also avoid this option for the first six months.

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