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Many women see some injustices in the
dating scene as they get older.
Many 21 year old men also see some.
First of all, most women just do not realize that things change rapidly
as we get older and we have to adjust to those changes.
Others try to keep using the same ideas and attitudes they had when
they were last single, for example, and find they don't work now.
Big relationships still work, you just have to up-date your methods and
attitudes to fit your age in other words, gain a new maturity.
Using childhood or outdated programming to fit your present
situation is just plain immature, so we have to become more
mature.
Just because you are 60 chronologically does not mean you have become a
60 year old emotionally, you still may be 15.
So realize you should grow up, not old.
First of all, let's stipulate that our sexual and romantic lives are
primarily between 20 and 70.
Looking at this chart you will notice that if you are 45 you have
half your romantic life ahead of you, so don't quit now.
If you are 55 you have nearly 1/3 left, and so on, so don't drop
out of the market because you have a lot of candles on your cake.
The competitive situation changes as your age progresses.
So you have to adjust by realizing that things are more
competitive now and you have to get out and work at it.
When you were 20, all you had to do was just look pretty and the
phone rang off the wall.
Twenty years later you become single and you say, gee, there must be
something wrong with me, nobody is interested.
Nothing happens..............
...................... So
you get a rejected feeling, like I am no good, so you go
hide.
That way you can't be rejected anymore, and of course then there is
no chance of anything happening, and you say, cruel fate.
How could this happen to me now, just when I am getting everything
together and I don't have all the hassles anymore, now when I could
really enjoy life, it's hollow, now I am left alone.
Let's draw you another chart here...
Up equals demand . . . (the old law of supply and demand you
know . . .)
The solid line is demand for dating the female by age.
The dotted line is for men.
When you were 20 you had it made.
Nearly all the men over 20 were making eyes at you.
You may have dated men all the way from 20 to 60.
As you got older the supply of men wanting to
date you became smaller.
Somewhere in the thirties it crosses over and you suddenly find
men are more in demand than women are.
Now if you become more
competitive to compensate for this, no problem, you will still have
lots going.
If, however, you try the old tricks (well, if he isn't going to chase
me then he must not be interested in me) then nothing is probably
going to happen.
You may as well buy a pussycat and withdraw from the race.
Admit it is just too much work and just drop out.
Lots do that, you know, so the competition really isn't as
bad as you think.
So let's get in there and change some attitudes first.
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Let's look at the 21 year old guys, they really have
to work to get dates.
All the 21 year old gals are busy as heck dating all the
older guys:
Why is that?
One reason is that many younger women are more mature than
their age.
The younger men are often immature for their age.
The emotionally mature woman considers the young guys such
babies . . . so she prefers older men.
It is better to be an older man's darling than a younger
man's slave, some say.
Well, anyway, the facts are men see,B. a lot less hassles and
set-in-their-ways-ness,.about younger women.
All the older ones seem to have everything locked up
and refuse to change their methods or ideas and attitudes.
So he doesn't put up with that hassle, he just dates some of
the younger ones.
It is good for his self-esteem, he feels, to be seen
with a younger attractive supple gal, that sort of shows
he still has it.
So don't blame the men for doing what comes naturally.
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They were doing it when you were younger and you liked it
then, now you complain about it.
What gets me is that even the older women have restrictions,
they insist on older men.
Most women complain, all the men are dating younger chicks, they are
not interested in us.
The only ones interested in us are so crotchety they can hardly
stand up without a prop.
Who said you should restrict yourself to older men?
They say, well he asked me out and I felt silly, I couldn't accept a
date with him, he was ten years younger than me.
The older men are dating the younger women, what is wrong with
dating younger men?
You still have the attitude that you are only supposed to date older
men.
Who put that restriction on
you?
That's right - you
did.
You can also take it
off.
You got the idea somewhere along the line that if you were going to
date a man you had to own him . . .
An exclusive. . .
If anyone else looked at him they were in trouble.
The very idea of dating continually a man that was dating other
women just was not acceptable.
He either likes me well enough to date me exclusively or he doesn't get
to date me at all.
Fine, that's your decision. He doesn't need you.
There are plenty of other women out there that have gotten their
heads straight with reality and are perfectly delighted to date him
whenever he is available.
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So you have to share men sometimes.
What's wrong with that?,
Besides, they are kind of a nuisance to have around all
the time anyway.
It's better for many to just have men around when they feel
like having men around.
So maybe you need to change your attitude that way.
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Maybe you refuse to ask a man to dance or to call one up because you
were raised that a decent woman just doesn't do that.
Well, that was good programming for a long time ago but not worth
a darn in this day and age.
Remember the supply and demand..........
....... He
gets the idea that you don't show any interest in him or are not
aggressive enough to be at the right place at the right time and say the
right thing, then he probably isn't going to pay much attention to you
because there are plenty of other women assuring him that they are
interested in him.
He may be interested in you but he doesn't get near the response
from you that he does from many of the others, so why should he
bother, with you?
He might get rejected.
He knows darn good and well he isn't going to be rejected by
many others because they pretty well let him know that.
So you have to become
competitive, assure him you are interested and make
yourself available, not hard to get or hard to
find.
Keep reminding him and be responsible not trusting to fate and the advantage that you used to have but no longer do.
We say that all a man has to do to get a relationship going when
he is 70 is just stay awake.
(Good news fellows, it gets easier all the time.)
Learn a few things about developing relationships (if you're a salesman
with a competitive product you have to be a good salesman and make
a lot of calls).
So learn some tricks of the trade that work, but most of all get
out there and practice, and make lots of calls like the salesman
(see and be seen, etc.).
Remember the old salesman's line, when the going gets tough, the
tough get going.
So one of your big programming changes may have to be
that you can no longer afford to sit on your duff and wait for
something to happen, you have to get out there and work and
make something happen.
The definition of work is overcoming resistance.
You're going to have to
do a little work to develop some relationships.
I know that most of us are looking for some simple easy answer where
you can send in x number of dollars and someone does it for you.
Believe me, it doesn't happen.
You have to assume responsibility and do it yourself.
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