Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From jackie rengo in aitkin,mn (02/09/10-01:45)
my husband wants a divorce he has had several emotional affairs he started collage new job lota of women having problems gets top emotional involved rather have conversations with them tan me havent slept togather for over a year, yet he wont file the papers or get thing rolling,he says he does not have time.With school and work,is he going threw a midlife crises maybe but i have moved out and will never trust him again his emitional affairs have recked our marraige but why wont he file or should i do it.I feel like he wants this he should do it.Am i wrong?And why is he draging his feet ? he calls always every day and gets upset i have not much to say unless its about our son. |
Dear jackie rengo,
Jackie,
Looks like you are left in no mans land as we call it, not divorced, not single, not nothing. Confused about the only label you get with staying in your position.
Life is short, this part of your life is over.
Not giving legal advise but you can go to the stationary store and fill in forms obtained there and file your divorce your self tomorrow. If have property and something that there may be a hassle over you can get legal advise as needed.
Then suggest you cut off all contact for your own sanity and refuse to discuss anything other then property splits and your son.
Otherwise it will never be over and you will not get on with life.
You and he are relationship addicts and you have to sober up, sure you will have withdrawal pain.
But hang in there it gets okay.
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
|
|
Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From becaye dieng in east orange,nj (02/09/10-01:45)
i fill my divorce on june and the final jugement was november 16 2009 ,when i can get married ,3 months after the final jugement ? or 3 months after i fill it |
Dear becaye dieng,
Not an attorney, and do not give legal advice but my understanding is you can get married the same day your divorce becomes final. Sounds logical to me, never heard of any delay or waiting period.
Question..........Are you a slow learner?
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
|
|
Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From Amy in Catoosa,OK (02/09/10-01:45)
My husband of a year and a half just told me that he wants a divorce. He confessed to habitual lying, kissing another woman from work twice, and keeping money from me (among many other things). He says that he loves me, but is not in love with me. He doesn't want to work it out, not even for the sake of our two month old son. We tried marriage counseling for a few weeks but it didn't help. We've been seperated for a weeks now, before he asked for the divorce. How can he just throw away our marriage like it means nothing to him? He doesn't want to make the effort to try and get our marriage back on a healthy, happy road. What can I do to keep it all together and be strong...not just for me but for my son? I'm just so angry, hurt, and confused. i kep my marriage vows, why didn't he? |
Dear Amy,
Hello Amy,
First of all you have to adjust to the idea that ALL relationships expire.
You have had others in your life time and they did not last. Nothing wrong with that, they were probably all memorable worth while experiences.
The fact that you have paper work on this one does not change much of that.
Once one of the two people decides this relationship is not going any where anymore and is over, then the other person
is very frustrated and try's to put humpty dumpty back together because they were not ready for it to be over.
Very seldom do they both decide it is over at the same time. Therefore we have one going on their way, and getting on with life
and the left person trying to figure out
(a waste of time) what they can do to put it back together.
It some times takes them a year to accept that this is a waste of time and finally adjusts to the idea the relationship is over.
We call this "beating' on a dead horse.
Trying to make it come back to life and work again.
You can decide how much of your life you want to spend or waste beating on your
"dead horse."
If you move on and get your life working again and everything is sunshine, you are attractive alternative.
When you get your life working you will have lots of options and putting this back together wont even make the list.
Beating on this dead horse now is a waste of time, no chance of it coming back to life doing that.
Move on and make plans for chapter two.
Curtain just fell on chapter one.
Regards,
Harlan
|
|
Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From Robin in Tamaqua,PA (02/09/10-01:45)
My husband of 31 years decided that he was not happy and asked for a divorce. He already has a much younger girl waiting for him telling him that she loves him and he says that he loves her. The hurt is so unbearable at times. He says that he doesn't know if he ever loved me but wants to remain in my life and be my best friend. How do you get past all the hurt and confusion? |
Dear Robin,
Okay, sounds like what usually happens.
One has graduated from the relationship and the other was surprised.
So to lesson the pain the leavor wants to be helpful and say they want to be friends and maybe they do.... but not really good for them either, since they have moved on and they are better off to for now just get on with their new life too.
This is like cutting off the dogs tail a little at a time so it does not hurt so much.
Use what we call the meat cleaver approach. Cut off all contact except necessary decisions about children.
Tell them they are to have no contact with you for a year. After 21 days it will get easier for you. If they have to deal with you about something say to them that they have to deal with my sister etc. They are out of your life for a year.
Other wise it goes on and on. End it. You will want to come up with some excuse that you have to contact them about something etc.. Do not do it. have someone else deal with them for you...... Believe me,
this will do more for you getting thru this then any thing I can suggest.
Remember. they are a What Was.
You are now busy and into planning for the great "Gonna Be's
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
|
|
Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From Ty in Saskatoon, SK, (02/09/10-01:45)
We separated more than 1 year already, and I have been served the paper from him back and ford since we got separate because he keeps changing his mind. When we came to negotiation he said ok, but when it come up with the paper, then he keeps changing somethings else. We are not living together anymore, he stayed in the different city. He said he didn't want the divorce, but he served me the separate agreement for the reason to have the parent right with my kids, such visiting when ever he has time, then he keeps things slowly. He knows I can not afford to submit the paper to the court.( Starting from the lawyer then court vv...)it will turn out very expensive!(is it right?)(I just pay flat fee hour when ever I need my lawyer which ever he coming up with something new, because I need legal assistance to protect myself). I can't stand for this anymore! I am so stressful. what should I do now! do you know how much will it cost if the matter coming to the court? I really want to submit my papers to the court. Please help! thanks. |
Dear Ty,
This sounds like all legal questions out of our area. You may be able to find some web sites with legal help that may be of assistance free of charge... Do not see how if papers are filed that he can keep changing.... misunderstanding something here.
You are able in some states if not working to have the court make him pay your legal fees. If that is possible there then that makes him straighten up real quick cause he is paying legal fees on both sides.
Sorry that we can be of no legal advice help. etc.
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
|
|
|