Everyone You Have First Contact With Today... Give Them A Gift.

Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2005

Your gift can include a complement, an acknowledgment, a smile, a handshake, a pat, an inquiry, and listening, an observation or even all of the above or many other gifts of yourself.

You have heard the advice that when invited to a home, you should take a gift for the home....We are talking here about a gift for the soul.

You start with a gift of looking them in the eye (acknowledgement) and smiling, enthusiasm for being in their presence, and then, you add on the other gifts from there.

But you say it is a bad morning and I do not feel like smiling and I do not want to be a f a k e.

The "old former you" reacted only when someone did something to cause you to smile.

Your smile and the feeling that turned it on were controlled by others. The new you has reversed that, it was formerly a feeling which was followed by a smile.

You now personally control your own smiles which comes now first and thereby self generate the feeling that soon follows and goes with it.

You used to be in the "gimmee mode". Give me a something to smile about, then I will smile.

You were like the fireplace, saying to it, "give me some heat first and then I will give you wood,"

The new you gives a smile and gifts with no expectations or demands and does it for everyone, not just those that can do you some good..

Now you (control) (okay, fake your smile) and you can only fake the smile for three minutes and the feeling catches up. After that it runs and self generates on its own.

Now you will expect to get a smile back about 50% of the time, but you do not require that, the new you does it automatically every day with no expectations or demands, it just becomes part of the new you....it is just what you do.

Let me tell you that everyone is starved for attention, and for smiles directed their way with enthusiasm.

They are starved for attention, acknowledgment and amazed when there are people like you that noticed them enough to give them a gift..

A BIG GIFT TO GIVE Almost everyone is starved to be touched unbeknown even to them. (see our articles on touch elsewhere) Divorced, when thinking back will likely remember they have not been "touched" for months or even years (while married) and was one of their needs not being met. Some newly divorced (unknowingly) get into untimely sexual relationships as the only way they can fill their need to be touched People have what we call a "skin hunger", they need to be touched. You can learn to become the most popular distributor to fill this need in your area. Read up on this and you will find that a hug is the ultimate touch that you can give. At the end of our classes we required that you "practice" giving 3 hugs to your fellow class mates before you could leave. They soon learned (got comfortable with it) that they could ask for, get and give hugs almost anywhere. There are many types of touch and you can learn (read up on it) to comfortably fill this need for them and you strive to have "touch" contact with people all day long. When you learn (become comfortable with) to make some type of physical "touch" contact with all the people that show up in your world, for example, you give a present that will SUBCONSCIOUSLY go a long way to make their day. (and do amazing things for yours as well) Give multiple gifts to everyone you interact with in your day, but make sure "your touch" is among them.

Once you have developed this for 21 days and it has become a habit, it will require little or no effort and just become a fun high that makes not only your day but help make the day for everyone you come in contact with.

This includes even your children and the mailman.

You do not have to worry that you will ever run out of these "gifts" and we will be telling you how to keep your bag of gifts full.

Only a few readers here, I realize, will have the stick to it required to make this a habit by consciously making the effort to do this for 21 days.

They will not be willing to make the effort to get out of their long term "gimmee, others do it for me," mode, which they admit is not working but are just too frozen (like the addicted smoker) in life to old behavior to change.

Remember when your parents said they would pay for piano lessons for you only if you agreed to stick to it for a month and agreed to practice, practice, whether you felt like it or not.

Your parents are no longer involved. This time you have to make this commitment to yourself, this is what you need to do and are going to do for 21 days.

So you will need to practice, practice, and you will need to get out where there are people to interact (practice) with.

No, they do not have to be dating prospects.

No one is going to do this for you. It is a do it yourself, "change your life" project.

HERE IT IS This Can Be The First Big Step In Taking Charge Of Your New Life: Remember, you are changing your life from a "gimmee" do it for me personality to a "giving" personality. You are changing from what dating prospects probably referred to you as a "cold fish" personality to this new "warm" giving personality. Sure, it may be a little stressful and out of your comfort zone, but you are expanding your life and your comfort zone. When we did exercises in my classes to practice this on the spot, I was amazed to learn that about 20% had a lot of difficulty even practicing this. Remember the piano lessons, initially the drills were just a lot of work, but after a while when you no longer had to think about each note, you soon made music and it became "fun' and a real challenge to see how good you could really get at this. Make the effort, you will change your life.

This is the one of the most important changes you can make in moving your life to a better place, judging from the tremendous amount of feedback we have gotten from people over the years on how this one little step tremendously changed their life and their relationships.

Now to learn more about giving a gift to everyone you meet, go here.....

When finished with absorbing that, click on to the next part linked at the bottom, and when done with that click on the link at the bottom part of that also for even more.

Be sure and read Stieners orginal story.

Divorce
Recovery
101

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