Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From Heather in Arvada,CO (11/22/08-06:02)
My stbx has a girlfriend living with him in our house. I have moved out due to abuse from him. We do not have children, but yet I am having problems with this emotionally anyway. Are there articles or advice to give on this? I want to emotionally move on; he has; and so I want to know what ways I can be happy and go on into my own life; despite his antics and actions. |
Dear Heather,
Heather,
We have many articles, and you can sign up for our five day free course that will be delivered in your email. Read the "Starting Over" series etc., in Divorce Recovery 101 site map list.
Your ex is history. The what was, like a starter house or an apartment. You move on.
Lots of good times there maybe, but that's over, on to the "nows" and the going to be's. Make no small plans for the great "gong to be's". He is a "what was."
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
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Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From Alex in New York,NY (11/22/08-06:02)
I'm currently going thorugh a divorce after 7 years of marriage. I discovered my wife has been having an affair back in December of 2007. We tried to reconcile back in March but a month later she said it was not going to work and she did not love me anymore. Again I found out she went back to her boyfriend. I feel used and hurt and can't seem to let go. We have two little girls 2 and 4. How can I get through this nightmare? |
Dear Alex,
Alex,
Well there are a lot of steps in working through this and suggest you read the 30 day starting over series, since it does a lot better job of getting an understanding then I can do on one page.
Basically it is she that has moved on, graduated from the relationship, and you have not. She had advance notice you had a surprise.
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
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Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From Shelley in Washington,CT (11/22/08-06:02)
I have three daughters, ages 7, 9, & 12. My divorce was final in May. I moved to another house in town while my ex stayed in the old house. My 9 year old doesn't want to come to my house on the days she is supposed to. She says she is worried something will happen to her father and that she will miss him. I feel like he is buying the children because he has taken them to concerts, bought them all cell phones and each a computer. On his days he either has a babysitter or he takes them to a amusement park or shopping. When I have them we hang out with friends, they swim in the pool or go in the hot tub. I work on the house a bit and they play or watch t.v.. So, my ex thinks I should make it more fun over here so my 9 year old will want to stay with me. I don't think that is right. What is your opinion? |
Dear Shelley,
Shelley,
This is what we used to call trying to be a Disneyland daddy,
that's okay, but your kids will remember good solid feeling times with you, not what you bought them.
Paying attention to what they are thinking and doing is what they will remember. You were concerned and cared about their welfare and future as well as enjoying the moment's with them.
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
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Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From Harold in Yardley,pa (11/22/08-06:02)
wife of 12 years, files for divorce suddenly after finding out I took persciption pills for 2 years. I entered treatment, clean and sober 8 months. wife is unforgiving, very angry and blames me 100% for the mess she created with divorce proceedings. I don't want divorce, 3 small children but she is bitter and has a hostile attorney. I am much better, go to counseling and enjoy life. when will she drop her anger, be civil and move on ? She wnats the divorce not me. She feels terribly betrayed and says my deceit is worse than an affair. |
Dear Harold,
Sounds like you ex has a problem dealing with reality, so all you have going is time on your side. She has decided it is over so you just have to accept that it makes no difference why they decide it is over. Once they make that decision not much you can do but move on.
Thinking you are going to change the decision is a waste of time, historically.
Thinking you can do what others can not do, you waste years of your life before you figure out you are wasting your life.
You can not get it back....Move on.
That part of your life is over, you graduated, move on.
Do not stay hung up.
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Dear Divorcerecovery101.com - From Lynn in Miami,FL (11/22/08-06:02)
I have not seen my husband in over a year and want to get a divorce on grounds of spousal abandonment. He does not have a social security number. What can I do? |
Dear Lynn ,
This is legal advice out of our league, or area of expertise, but you should certainly be able to get a divorce anyway. Where it asks for social security number you would explain why he has none. Check with local legal people.
Regards,
Harlan Jacobsen
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